Have you ever considered why you react the way you do in a given situation? I was nearly forty years old, when I finally understood why I felt despair, every time someone I loved left for an extended period. The time away could be as short as a couple of days or as long as a year, I reacted the same in both cases. I remember associating a name to what I was feeling and calling it "Separation Anxiety".
The process would start with a flooding of random thoughts, my younger sister calls these thoughts "hamsters". The thoughts looped around on repeat, escalating with each rotation, until an emotional response was triggered. In my case, the emotion that normally showed up was anger, so I would start an argument. I found that arguing acted as a buffer, for me getting through the anxiety I felt. The arguments allowed me to adjust, inappropriately of course, to the departure.
During a period in my life, between divorce and getting remarried, I begin a journey into self love. In the process of loving myself, I discovered deep rooted seeds of hurt residing in my heart. Among these hurting seeds, was the seed of abandonment. As a child, I was never left on a doorstep, yet I still felt abandoned.
My father was a truck driver and spent most of his life on the road doing what he loved, driving a truck. My father's life on the road inspired my wanderlust spirit, and it also, planted the seeds of abandonment.
Through out the course of my childhood my father was in and out of our home. You could wake up one day and find dad in the kitchen drinking coffee. The scene would appear so normal, however it was absolutely not normal. During, those times when my father was home, you could count on two things happening. First, he was taking over the television set, which meant John Wayne, Charles Brunson, or Captain Kirk would be on the screen. Secondly, one morning you would wake up and he would be gone back on the road.
There was never a rhyme or reason behind how long dad would stay home. Sometimes he would be home for a month or two and then be gone for up to six months. Reflecting on this scenario, during my self love journey, generated an "Aha moment." I was able to write my father a six page letter, expressing in truth and love what he had done to his little girl. Before I turned five years old he had imparted a seed of abandonment which grew into separation anxiety.
I was given a second chance to have a renewed relationship with my dad. The bond we shared was priceless, especially during the last year of his life. We talked on the phone every day which brought joy and laughter into our relationship. My dad was a good listener, and I felt comfortable talking to him about everything. One of our recurring topics was my desire to be married again, I felt excited to share my repaired heart with a mate. My father's response was always the same, "In God's timing, your mate will come." In November 2004, my father transitioned from this life with complication of cancer.
Charles was placed in my life the day after my father died. Our relationship allowed me to experience the healing results, of separation anxiety. When we met, Charles resided in Michigan and I lived in California. The first year of our relationship was filled with many travel miles and a lot of see you later's. Because I found a way to address and work through my abandonment issues, the associated feelings of separation anxiety were also conquered.
We each have our own, triggers for associated feelings and unfortunately many will not end so tidy as mine did here. However, I assure you there is a way to obtain peace, and success, that my friend is your journey to conquer, your way. You would be amazed at what triggers your feelings, about holidays, crowds, friendships, love, etc..
I encourage you to take the time to journey down the road of your associated feelings.
"All emotions, even thou those that are suppressed and unexpressed, have physical effects. Unexpressed emotions tend to stay in the body like small ticking time bombs - they are illnesses in incubation."
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